when straight guys ask how lesbian sex works i feel really bad for their girlfriends because if you dont understand how to have sex with a girl in any way other than repeatedly putting your dick in her you are having some really bad sex
I want to reblog this 100 times but I’ll just do it once
fun date idea: Go down on me while I shop online with ur credit card
A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".
|customer:||can you break $100|
|me:||sure *karate chops the $100 bill in half*|
|president obama:||*bursts thru door* you can't do that to money|
|me:||well my older brother said that he ripped a $100 bill in half once and took it to the bank and was like "I accidentally ripped off part of these two $100 bills so can I have $200 dollars" and they were like "yeah"|
|obam:||prolly should'nt have told me that tho lol|
|me:||well hey man I'm sorry, would you mind gettin a quick pic with me|
|customer:||give me your phone I'll take it|
you were named after two of the bravest men i ever knew, danny devito godzilla