and now you're lit up by the city,

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penishole:

tobeymacguire:

when straight guys ask how lesbian sex works i feel really bad for their girlfriends because if you dont understand how to have sex with a girl in any way other than repeatedly putting your dick in her you are having some really bad sex

I want to reblog this 100 times but I’ll just do it once

(via nothing-but-a-visi0n-trick)



queerchesters:

fun date idea: Go down on me while I shop online with ur credit card

(via paleandperfect)



esexist:

*wears the same outfit as yesterday* vintage

(via ezwhat)



deathbycas:

dingle-dangle:

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father

"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"

"Dad, you don’t mean-"

"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*

"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".

(via heartdontfailme)



customer:can you break $100
me:sure *karate chops the $100 bill in half*
customer:haha epic
president obama:*bursts thru door* you can't do that to money
me:really
obama:yeah
me:well my older brother said that he ripped a $100 bill in half once and took it to the bank and was like "I accidentally ripped off part of these two $100 bills so can I have $200 dollars" and they were like "yeah"
obama:whoa damn
me:yeah
obam:prolly should'nt have told me that tho lol
me:haha yeah
me:well hey man I'm sorry, would you mind gettin a quick pic with me
customer:give me your phone I'll take it
me:thanks


romankyaryday:

you were named after two of the bravest men i ever knew, danny devito godzilla

(via thequeenblue)



Harry Potter - Hogwarts Emblem